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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107443">Not That</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteampunkWilson/pseuds/SteampunkWilson'>SteampunkWilson</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Hail King Julien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(it's all okay though I promise), (not really) - Freeform, Blood, Cuddle Pile, Dad friend Maurice, Descriptions of mutilation and death, If you want to skip the violent stuff then you can skip past the initial italics, Nausea, Nightmares, Nighttime conversations, Pancho and Maurice friendship, Pancho needs love, Please tell me if you think this needs additional warning tags, UKJ's A+ parenting, descriptions of violence, not ship based</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:26:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107443</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SteampunkWilson/pseuds/SteampunkWilson</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Pancho knows he isn't a vindictive killer, of course he's not, even when they could really use one to get them out of certain situations. But when a nightmare taunts him with his worst fear, Pancho needs someone to remind him of what he is and isn't.<br/>...</p><p>AKA I once again vent my feelings for this poor traumatized boi in fanfic form!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Pancho &amp; Maurice (All Hail King Julien)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not That</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please pay heed to the warning tags and let me know if you think any need adding. If you want to skip the gory stuff, then skip to the end of the part in italics.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>The king is dead.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Pancho steps back to admire his handiwork, the body in front of him stiff and warm and oh so broken. He can still feel it all, the crunches and snaps underfoot, the sounds of a body breaking past repair still ringing in his ears. The cries for pain and begs for mercy, all of it, it lingers and he hopes it lingers for as long as possible. There is blood on his paws and smeared across his fur, his chest, his arms, his face, he feels it there and he wears it like a badge of honour.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>This body will not move again and it is his doing. Coated in its own blood and bruised and torn. The tail is limp and stretched out like a separate dead thing, and the former king's face is turned from him as if he's scared. As if he's still scared. Maybe seeing the corpse's face frozen in its last few moments of terror would be too much for him, but he is tempted to go over and take a look anyways.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>He smiles sadistically down at his achievement instead, feeling the body's blood drying onto his fur and around his mouth. It's a prickly sensation, and only a little uncomfortable, but that is far ruled over by his sick sense of pride. The deed is done and he feels great.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Good work Pancho." The voice trickles into his ears and he glances to the side, humming in response as the figure strolls into view. Uncle King Julien, now King Julien, is smiling and Pancho's heart sears with happiness as the older lemur places his paws on his shoulders, still smiling. "I'm impressed. Deep down, I always knew you could do it."</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Pancho grins. He did it. He did it and it felt good.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Behind his king, the body of his nephew is still mutilated, and somehow it looks worse now, all torn gashes and oddly positioned bones. The blood is smeared thickly through his fur in lines and patches that match Pancho's paws. He did this. His own hands broke this body beyond repair and pushed the life out of it. The worse the body looks, the happier he feels inside.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"I'm proud of you, Pancho." The king says.</i>
</p><p><i>Pancho surges with joy, but suddenly it all becomes too much. The blood stuck to his paws stings and the smell of blood rises up into his nostrils, making him feel sick. Something in his mind suddenly jerks and he feels himself being tugged away from the scene. His grin, his happiness, fades, so does Uncle King Julien, so does the body lying on the floor. Pancho cries out as his body sears all over with pain, and clutches his head. A whine is torn from his throat as everything fades away to be replaced by a swirl of black and white and noise. Everything gets increasingly brighter and louder and the smell and feeling of all that blood is so stifling and he CAN'T BREATHE-</i> </p><p>His eyes flew open and Pancho screamed, scrambling frantically to get away from whatever, whoever was holding him. Colours poured themselves into his irises and he choked and gasped for air, the smell of blood still lingering and stinging in his nostrils. He heard someone cry out as his limbs flailed and he threw himself away from the noise. Everything felt awful and cramped and he COULDN'T BREATHE.</p><p>He staggered forwards blindly, choking in anguish on the stale, steamy air that seemed to burn him with its stifling heat, relying on muscle memory alone to throw open a heavy door and run. Stumbling and falling forwards, he blindly threw himself into motion, his cramped muscles screaming at him and his throat burning with the weight of the images seared into his mind.</p><p><i>Julien, broken and bloodied. His blood smeared across his back and his tail and Pancho's own fur-</i> </p><p>No, not that, not that, NOT THAT!</p><p>Pancho cried out and found himself scrambling to open a hatch above him. He tugged frantically, feeling his own screams ring in his ears until the metal gave way and he threw himself upwards into the cool night air.</p><p>It hit him like a wall and he stopped, crouched and shaking. His screams were suddenly silenced, cool metal resting beneath his paws. Biting his lip, he looked around.</p><p>Stars, and sea, lots of sea. Underneath him was the water and the metal body of the submarine, still damp from being submerged. His cheeks were damp as well, and stung under the force of the strong night's breeze. His whole body ached and trembled and he couldn't spare the energy to stop it. Pancho desperately tried to drag himself out of his mind by focusing on these sensations, on the here and now, but everything just kept rising up and finding him anyway.</p><p><i>I'm proud of you. You did what I wanted, you did this and you killed him. You should be proud and you are. Proud of the blood on his paws and the death on his conscience-</i> </p><p>No.</p><p><i>The Pancho in his dreams giggled at the thought of snapping Julien's neck.</i> </p><p>Not that, please.</p><p>Pancho blinked and opened his eyes, he hadn't even noticed he closed them. He could still see the mutilated body of his friend, even now it burned behind his eyes and tormented him until he felt like screaming again. His stomach churned; he felt like he was going to throw up. With a groan he curled into himself and rested his head against the cold body of the submarine, shaking and sick.</p><p>He stayed there, his body clenched and coiled tightly, seeing the same visions play out in his mind over and over again. He just grimaced in response, feebly trying to make his mind STOP, his tail twitching behind him in a muted display of his distress. Pancho even stayed still when he heard someone creaking their way up the ladder towards the hatch behind him. Whether it was a friend or foe, right now he couldn't have cared less.</p><p>"Uh, Pancho? You okay?"</p><p>Pancho didn't even move in response. The voice was familiar and he didn't have the energy to interact with it right now. He pressed his forehead harder into the vehicle's chilled surface, feeling his own hot, ragged breaths emerging from his throat and poisoning the cool, complacent air.</p><p>The submarine creaked as Maurice stepped closer. Pancho could recognise the aye-aye from the tone of his voice, the sound and feel of it, and the creaks of the weight distribution upon the submarine's surface that was unique to Julien's advisor. He felt the other lemur approach, one step after the other, and felt a stifling urge to scream at him to stop.</p><p>"Don't." He groaned, his entire body suddenly trembling. Maurice stiffened behind him. Pancho groaned again and struggled to shape the words. "Don't, don't touch me, please, not that."</p><p>He wanted to be touched. He wanted to be hugged, held, so, so badly, but he couldn't let that happen. He could see what would happen if Maurice got too close and triggered his programming. His mind showed him over and over. The king's body wouldn't be alone, there would be an aye-aye's with him and there would be more death and even more blood smeared across his coat and-</p><p>Pancho gagged suddenly and jolted his head upright, crawling frantically towards the edge of the platform they were on. He hauled his head over the side and gagged, his stomach churning with guilt and horror and all the fruit he'd eaten on siren island. He moaned as his body convulsed in pain, but nothing came up. There was no relief and he flopped onto the metal surface with an anguished groan.</p><p>Maurice moved towards him again, thankfully making a wide berth around him and giving the felon the tiniest brush of relief as he kept his distance. Pancho dared to glance up at him and the confusion on Maurice's face made him groan and close his eyes, trying to bury himself in his mind once more.</p><p>This turned out to be a mistake, as the visions of his nightmare were still lingering in his consciousness and gladly rose up to meet him. The figures and shapes of Julien's uncle and the blood of his nephew reached out to him and tried to drag him down, to make Pancho loose himself to these made-up memories. Pancho whined as the images flashed between his eyes, filling him with dread and anguish and-</p><p>"Hey man, breathe!" A firm paw on his back suddenly jolted Pancho back to reality with a gasp. "Come on, we're safe here."</p><p>Pancho took a few deep breaths of the clear night air, and shrugged Maurice's paw off with a twinge of regret. He wrapped his own paws firmly over his ears, clutching at his head as he stared miserably out across the ocean, watching the waves rise and fall, rocking their sub from side to side. The sway was becoming a bit too much and he clenched his teeth in a bid to repress his nausea. Instead of gagging again, he glanced towards Maurice and growled; "I thought I said no touching."</p><p>"Well since you're always grabbing hold of me without warning, I thought I'd return the favour." Maurice remarked teasingly, but he looked worried. "But seriously, are you okay Pancho? I mean, it's not every day someone wakes up in the middle of the night screaming."</p><p>Pancho whined unhappily and shook his head. He couldn't bring himself to speak again and was beginning to desperately miss the feeling of Maurice's paw on his back, his body starving for comfort, for something to hold onto, for that sweet validation of knowing he was wanted. He cringed unhappily at his own desperation, turning his face away from Maurice and refusing to let himself talk.</p><p>They sat in silence for a while, Pancho's heavy breathing filling the air around them, and the occasional whimper that the felon hadn't been able to keep quiet. Misery and anxiety built up inside of him as Pancho slowly managed to drag himself out of his own head, but having retrospective of his nightmare wasn't much better. Above him he heard Maurice clear his throat, the aye-aye clearly noticing the awkwardness between them and deciding to interject.</p><p>"Stars are pretty tonight." He said quietly. Pancho frowned slightly. He had been so caught up in his own head that he hadn't gotten a proper look earlier. Slowly he shifted and managed to roll over onto his back to face the night's sky above him.</p><p>Huh. That was a pretty sight.</p><p>Unfortunately Pancho didn't really get a good look, as the motion of rolling over had left his weight teetering on the edge of the submarine's roof, and he yelled out as he began to slide downwards towards the ocean. He scrabbled frantically, and Maurice yelled out too, and grabbed hold of Pancho's paw to haul him upwards again. Between them they scrambled and pulled until Pancho was suddenly pressed into Maurice's side, clutching his paw and shaking. It wasn't quite a near death experience, but was enough to leave him trembling and gritting his teeth.</p><p>Eventually, Pancho noticed that Maurice was giving him the side eye and glanced over with a small frown. "What? It's slippery up here!"</p><p>"Doesn't explain why you're still holding my hand." Maurice glanced down and Pancho realised with shock that their fingers were still tightly entwined. He grimaced again and tried to let go, but for some reason his paw wouldn't obey his commands.</p><p>Maybe it was just cold up there, in the middle of the ocean, and his fingers were frozen stiff. But deep down Pancho knew it was barely chilly. He just didn't want to let go. He didn't want to feel alone.</p><p>With a tired sigh, the felon lay down on the cold metal surface again and pressed his back firmly against Maurice's leg, still holding the aye-aye's paw in his own. He fully expected Maurice to jolt away from him and leave him there to be pathetic on his own time, but to his surprise the aye-aye did nothing of the sort. He didn't move at all and allowed Pancho to clutch him like a safe line. Pancho made a small noise of surprise. He could sense the tension in the aye-aye's body through the clenched muscles of his leg and guessed that Maurice was confused, but the shorter lemur still wasn't moving.</p><p>"You ready to talk yet?" Maurice asked.</p><p>Pancho hummed, and gave in. "Is King Julien okay?" He whispered quietly, his tail stiffening in anxiety.</p><p>"What? I think so, he's not whining about losing his kingdom so much anymore so there's that-"</p><p>"No!" Pancho flinched as the images from his nightmare poured into his mind YET AGAIN and he fought to control them. "When I woke up I think I hit him, I didn't hurt him too badly did I-"</p><p>"That was me." Maurice grumbled. "Kicked me right to the face. King Julien's fine."</p><p>"Oh." Pancho muttered. "Uh, sorry about that." He wished he could see Maurice's face to tell if it was bruised or not.</p><p>"What are you so worried about King Julien for?" Maurice asked, his tone casual, but Pancho could tell the aye-aye knew exactly what he was digging at. "Something to do with that nightmare of yours?"</p><p>Pressing himself even more firmly into Maurice's leg, Pancho whimpered and tensed. "I don't wanna hurt him." He muttered, forcing the words out through his clenched teeth. "But sometimes my mind wanders and I can't help but think what'd happen if I did. I mean, obviously I don't want to, but what if it just happened? What if I can't help it?!" Pancho recoiled in fear and wrapped himself in his tail, clenching Maurice's paw even tighter and ignoring the aye-aye's yelp of pain. "What if something happens, like yesterday when he tried to... you know."</p><p>"I know." Maurice said simply.</p><p>Pancho shifted awkwardly. "I want to help the king, but not like that. That ain't selfish, it's just looking out for him, isn't it? Looking out for us?" He couldn't help but glance up at Maurice as he spoke. To his reassurance, Maurice nodded.</p><p>"It's not. You and I both know if the king got you activated, he probably wouldn't be sleeping down there right now." Pancho winced with the realisation that Maurice was right. For the first time since that fateful day when Julien had first played that horrible tape, Pancho felt the damming weight of everything that had happened in his life hang from his shoulders, accompanied by the the unwelcome burdens of what could very much still happen.</p><p>"King Julien knows that." Maurice was saying. "He just gets caught up in the moment sometimes, you know how it is. You ain't got nothing to be worried about."</p><p>Pancho hummed slightly, a note of stress emerging from him. Maurice squeezed his paw, a hint of softness that gently encouraged Pancho to spill his worst.</p><p>"I killed him." He muttered.</p><p>"What?!"</p><p>"In my dream. I killed King Julien, I-" Pancho clenched his fist as he remembered the look on his dream self's face. "I did it and... I liked it."</p><p>Maurice made a stiff noise and Pancho waited for the shorter to harshly reprimand him, yell at him, maybe even throw him off the submarine so he wasn't a threat. Not that anyone else could drive it, that action would basically doom them anyway. Pancho cringed and waited for it all to come.</p><p>But it didn't. Maurice was only silent for a few seconds before he spoke again.</p><p>"Uh, in what way?"</p><p>He sounded suspicious. Well, he had every right to be. Pancho was even suspicious of himself at times.</p><p>But Maurice still hadn't let go of his paw.</p><p>"It was like, I was someone else. Someone who wanted to hurt KJ." Pancho confessed. "He, I was happy about the stuff I did, and, happy that I managed to please him for once."</p><p>"Please who?" Maurice asked.</p><p>"Him uh, Uncle King Julien." Pancho stared out towards the horizon, focusing in on the black line of sky and sea, thinking back to his nightmare. "He was there and, he said he knew I could do it. He said he was proud and, that made me feel good, like REAL good. Like I could do anything, like I could kill anyone else just for the fun of it." Pancho gritted his teeth and growled. "I hate it!"</p><p>"Hey man, chill." Maurice's soothing tones cut through the angry noise in Pancho's mind. "You just want the guy who raised you, uh sorta, to be proud of you. To give you some kind of admiration to work off. Frank knows I know what that feels like." He grumbled.</p><p>Pancho made a soft noise of surprise. Throughout all his life, before and after he got his memories back, he had never really thought about trying to make anyone proud of him, and certainly not the monster who had taken his family away. But seeing a smile on the older lemur's face, his paws placed comfortingly on his shoulders, it filled him with a strange sense of longing that he absolutely did not want to feel.</p><p>"Argh!" Pancho yelled out in frustration and curled his paw into a fist, striking the metal surface of the submarine hard, punching it again and again as if he could punch away that horrible smile on his dream self's face.</p><p>"Whoa, Pancho-" Maurice shifted away instinctively as Pancho sprang up from his curled position so he could crouch on all fours and attack the metal with everything he had, screaming out with every blow. "That's enough!"</p><p>Pancho stopped and breathed heavily, his whole head caged in a loud, angry fog that could only think about one thing: make him pay.</p><p>He wasn't entirely sure who 'him' was and that made him even angrier.</p><p>"I don't want this!" The felon howled with rage, slamming his paw so hard into the metal surface that it dented beneath his force. "He ruined my life, he doesn't get to come in and ruin it again!"</p><p>"Well don't take it out on our submarine!" Maurice exclaimed. Pancho clenched his fists so hard it hurt, but bit back his urge to keep punching. Maurice sighed behind him and when he spoke again, his tone was a lot calmer. "Look, Pancho, there's nothing to be ashamed of in wanting approval. Even from people who definitely aren't going to give it. Like, ever." He shifted into grumbling. "Stupid parents and their stupid bells. Look, my point is, this doesn't define you. Even if your dream felt real, it wasn't. You're real, and you're much better than some dream psychopath who wants to kill the king anyway."</p><p>Pancho breathed out with a start. Slowly, uncurling his fists, he let go of his rage.</p><p>"You think so? Even if I couldn't do anything to help with yesterday?" He asked meekly, daring to glance Maurice's way.</p><p>The aye-aye was on his feet and he was smiling. It was gentle, and much more comforting than the smug grins of Uncle King Julien. "What are you talking about?" He asked.</p><p>"The whole sacrifice thing! I couldn't do nothing but stand there. I bet I could have taken all those sirens-"</p><p>"No you couldn't." Maurice reprimanded him gently. "They had spears, remember? And we all got out okay."</p><p>"Urgh, I guess. It'd just be nice to feel more useful, you know? Be needed. Make King Julien happy. Guess that's why," Pancho hesitated. "I wanted to make him proud the only way I know how."</p><p>"Pancho you ARE useful!" Maurice declared. "Heck, you drove this whole submarine out here! If it wasn't for you then we'd still be stuck back and the kingdom and King Julien wouldn't just be miserable, he'd probably be dead!" Maurice cleared his throat quickly and softened his tone. "And you want the guy who mentored you to be proud, to spare you any affection. Nothing wrong with that." He reminded him gently. "He's the closest thing you have to a parent, even if he's vindictive monster. But he ain't your family, that's for sure. Your training doesn't make you who you are. You're useful without all that murder stuff."</p><p>Pancho looked back towards the damp metal surface of the submarine beneath him, a few scrapes and scuffs present from his earlier rage. Despite the rust and all the wear and tear, he could make out his reflection clearly, framed by the stars in the sky above him. His own distorted image was mirrored in his eyes, lip curled back in anger, his eyes dark.</p><p>
  <i>You're real, and you're much better than some dream psychopath.</i>
</p><p>
  <i>Your training doesn't make you who you are.</i>
</p><p><i>We are your family! Don't destroy your home!</i> </p><p>Huh. They were right.</p><p>His reflection looked nothing like the twisted, violent lemur from his nightmare. Nothing like the one who would kill Julien for the pleasure and pride, and probably take out Ted and Maurice while he was at it. No, the Pancho staring back at him from the metal surface was angry, that's for sure. He was sad, beaten, broken, scarred and tired.</p><p>But he wasn't that.</p><p>Pancho sighed and relaxed, flipping himself over onto his back once more and staring up and the brilliant sky in utter defeat. Maurice watched him cautiously.</p><p>Eventually, Pancho whistled. "Well you were right, Momo. That sky is a pretty picture."</p><p>"You don't get to call me that."</p><p>"Aww." Pancho smiled teasingly. "You saying we're not friends?"</p><p>Maurice rolled his eyes and stepped closer. "So, you're good?"</p><p>"Huh, oh yeah!" Pancho blinked and frowned up at the sky. "Real good."</p><p>Maurice tutted and sighed. "Come on. I'm not leaving you up here." He stepped forward and Pancho turned his head just in time for Maurice to put a paw on his shoulder and tug him up into a sitting position.</p><p>"What?" Pancho glowered a little, but Maurice interrupted him with a swift, tight hug.</p><p>Oh. That.</p><p>It was every bit the soft comfort that Pancho had needed for so long, and he almost choked up with sobs at the feeling. He quickly clutched Maurice back and held on tight, nuzzling his face into the aye-aye's soft fur. He breathed out, soft and slow, absorbing the comfort that came from Maurice rubbing circles into his back.</p><p>Suddenly, it was like his past couldn't touch him. Not his nightmare, not his training. Pancho managed to muster a smile. For now, the present was a nice place to be.</p><p>It only took a few minutes of tight hugging before Pancho felt ready to go back down into the sub again, silently making his way back through the hallways he had ran so desperately up less than an hour earlier. But this time Maurice walked at his side, a sleepy yawn on the advisor's lips, radiating a sense of calm. Pancho smiled a little as they approached the door to the control room where the rest of their party were. True, Pancho wasn't entirely sure what he'd say to Julien and Ted, how he'd explain, but for some reason he wasn't worried about that anymore.</p><p>As it turned out, he didn't even need to explain himself. When Maurice opened to door, they saw that Julien and Ted had already dropped back to sleep, cuddling into each other for warmth. It was a comfortable sight, well at least Ted looked comfortable. Julien was all tail twitches and agitation as the shorter lemur nuzzled into him, murmuring contentedly.</p><p>"Haha." Maurice chuckled fondly. "Wish I had a camera about now." He remarked. Pancho chuckled back, their shared moment spreading pleasant, breathable warmth within his chest. Maurice yawned again and made a start towards their sleeping friends on the floor. He glanced over his shoulder at Pancho, who still stood hesitantly by the door. "Well, you coming Pancho?"</p><p>Pancho felt exhaustion prick behind his eyelids, and the cuddle pile was looking cosier by the second. Feeling a pleasant sort of exhaustion weigh on him, he took a deep breath before gently slamming the door shut and following Maurice towards sleep.</p><p>Maurice threw himself down and Julien's arms wrapped around him at once, the ringtail's restless feet unsuccessfully kicking Ted away from him as he pressed his face deeply into his advisor's ruff with a grunt. Pancho yawned and rubbed his eyes, inserting himself between Julien and Ted and nuzzling into the soft heat of the bodies around him. He felt Maurice's tail flick at him gently as the four lemurs curled in on one another.</p><p>This was good, Pancho thought, ignoring the faint taunts of his old nightmare and shutting his eyes. This felt safe and good, and the way Ted wrapped himself around him without a second thought made him feel necessary and needed.</p><p>"You know Pancho," Maurice's sleepy voice faded in briefly. "For what it's worth, I'm proud of you." The shorter lemur swiftly began snoring, leaving Pancho with a strange sense of fulfilment.</p><p>This felt good. This WAS good.</p><p>He would hold onto this.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Comments are the food upon which I thrive.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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